I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
