New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
