umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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