My sheets look like a crime scene.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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