I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
