It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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