awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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