Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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