dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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