Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
foreskin is a definite game changer
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
