Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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