you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
