So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
