Your mouth is God's brothel.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
