We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
