i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
