Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
