he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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