Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
