i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
