I love black thongs
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
