i don't like sucking hair
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
