How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
