ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
