she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
