my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
