Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
