thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
did i just pee glitter
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
