Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
