if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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