Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
