STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
