I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
