I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
