i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
