also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
