This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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