Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
