Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
