No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
