making cat noises will not fix the situation.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
