No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
