I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
