It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
