So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
