I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
