I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
