I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
