Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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