I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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