I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
