my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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